no. 111

pulled from a delicious lethargy

(that of course can only be found in this microcosm)

a blanket burrow, fibrous with polyamide and cotton

swaddled until that moment

when, marshaling all the breath of patience that abides,

bhudda-like, within that bubble

of stale but comforting air

a sweet but mewling timbre

that at first calmly coaxes, but quickly becomes

more and more urgent

when, with the demands of morning just below the slip of sunrise

(that orb also struggling to heft itself from soft but heavy restraints)

a hand, small fingers curled, stealth-be-damned-now, brazenly yanks

oh, the sear upon skin liberated to the gray of pre-dawn light!

that is when defeat becomes precursor to movement

wood meets toes with icy welcome

hands greet eyes with increasing vigor

hope fills nose and belly with the promise of that which occupies

kitchen cabinets and soon sizzling pans

(that those thoughts trump all else, now, is paramount)

when, legs scrambling for purchase on the counter-top

suddenly find place around hips and arms around neck

that no-longer tiny body, all limbs and curls,

plasters itself unabashedly to the form which birthed it

too long ago for comfort, but not long enough for the space of maturity

when, nestling a lanky head between the crook of chin and neck

(that last bastion of sleep’s warmth and afterglow)

mouth receives the repast from mother’s feeding fingers

(written 2 january 2019)

no. 85

the becoming

this morning, as on other mornings

i chose to look at myself, the mystical part of myself

lying deep beneath my skin

but i was distracted by the mirror’s reflection,

one that revealed much more than that meditative view i often sought.

i could see the person i used to be, i could just make out my former shape–

the one un-softened and also un-steeled by the last fifteen years

the one that had not seen the stretch of skin and flesh

over a beating heart, had not known the grasp of a tiny hand,

had yet to feel the dichotomy of love and frustration that

accompanies the realized dream of fledging a child

my hands had not known how tightly they would hold on

and how tired they would be.

my brain could not comprehend, in all its intelligence

how challenging life would be.

but in that moment of seeing what i was, i also saw what

i was not, and how the becoming was not unwelcome.

and so, in reflecting, i make this loop:  i claim what the mirror has shown me,

as if it were something magical, holding immense power and beauty.

(written 22 august 2017)